I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize