just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
