..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
