shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
