Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
