I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
