did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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