I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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