you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
