Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
