Betty ford says i'm here all night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
