Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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