The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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