The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize