Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The adults are the big ones right?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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