I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
