first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
operation harelip BJ is a go
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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