dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
