my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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