I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
