She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
