Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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