I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
