Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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