Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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