'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
