First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
