I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
