I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
