oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
