Me too!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
