Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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