i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
