I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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