I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize