Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
