I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
