I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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