How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
