I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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