Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
