dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
