it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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