we're chasing vodka with high fives
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
