You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
