A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
