I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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