Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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