So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
