Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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