Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
