you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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