right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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