Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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