He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
