I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
