please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
