I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
