Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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