If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
