So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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