Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
