dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
