i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My vagina is officially offended.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
