she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
