They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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