Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
