Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
ok first of all what the fuck
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
