I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
