my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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