I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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