Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
