She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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