Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize