He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
