He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
