I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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