It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
