wrigley field is MILF paradise
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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