I can tuck mytits in my pants
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
