Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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