I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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