I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
