I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
