1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
