Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
