you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You made out with two different species that night
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
