you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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