I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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