her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
