apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
