Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
