remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
