she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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