That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
