grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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