Are we in a gay sports bar?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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