Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
