Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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