God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
